Who controls you? Do you practice SELF-Control?

Self-Control:  Two simple words – yet two words which, in application, have the power to build or the power to tear down – the power to harm or the power to heal – the power to lead or the power to fail in leadership.

When facing the question, “How well do you maintain self-control when things go wrong?,” I am immediately reminded of Paul’s words to the Galatians, when he writes about the fruit of the Spirit.  If the Spirit of God indwells us, then we will exhibit the fruit of the Spirit’s work.  Self-Control is one demonstration of His working in our lives, and according to James, one application of such work is through our use of our tongue.  To tame the tongue is show self-control. In leadership, this is absolutely CRUCIAL. 

According to Oswald Sanders, “The leader who loses control under adversity forfeits respect and influence.  A leader must be calm in crisis and resilient in disappointment.”  In leadership, there will be times when things go wrong, when the best laid plans simply blow up, and when the leader is prime to be shown a failure.  It is those moments where true leadership is exhibited.  I want to be a leader who excels in those moments – I want to be a leader who leads his people calmly, confidently, and resiliently in those opportunities.

During my first summer directing FUGE camps, I had the opportunity to lead a staff of 21 young adults.  Our staff ranged in age from 21-30, and many were in different life stages, had different personalities, and quite frankly had different goals that summer.  However, God had given me the great privilege of leading and directing them.    Like any summer, I hold on to so many precious memories of what God did.  I also have many memories of where I failed at being a good leader for my staff.  One evening, we as a staff had simply dropped the ball.  We did not execute how we said we were going to execute, and I was not happy.  I was disappointed.  However, what disappointed me more then and now was how I responded to my staff.  I was supposed to lead my staff – I was supposed to pull them through that disappointment.  However, what I said probably cost me more respect and influence.

In the midst of addressing the situation and circumstances, I said, “You guys are making me look bad.”  I immediately knew that I had dropped the equivalent of a F-bomb.  The looks back on their faces said everything I needed to know.  I shouldn’t have said that.  More importantly, I shouldn’t have THOUGHT that.  Leadership is not about the leader.  True and honest leadership is about taking a people to a place not getting the leader somewhere.  The fact that I thought that at all, the fact that it was in my heart said way more about my crummy heart than it did about their performance. 

What I’ve learned through the process and what I am still learning is that self-control is not something we can manufacture.  Self-control is truly a fruit of the Spirit of God working in us.  As the Gospel becomes more real in our lives, the Spirit of God continually transforms us through the Gospel, and our lives begin to reflect that truth.  As a leader, if I am going to be calm in crisis, resilient in disappointment, and self-controlled in adversity, I need to believe the Gospel, love the Gospel, and apply the Gospel with the help of the Holy Spirit.